Why Don't They Get It?
by GeneticallyEnhanced
Summary: Max is cool. So why doesn't anyone get that?


Why Don't They Get it?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nuff said.  
  
Rating: PG cause I got a potty mouth. : -P  
  
Author's Note: My second fan fic and my first shot at comedy! This is by no means a diss on season 2. I really, sincerely love the show and I swear it's all in fun! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.  
  
Max walked into Jam Pony late as usual. I hope Normal doesn't fire my ass. Boy do I love that word. Ass. Ass, ass, ass. Whoever created that word was a genius. She then started to giggle at how creative the word 'ass' was. Her unusual peal of laughter did not go unnoticed by Normal.  
  
"What's so funny about you strolling in here an hour late missy miss?" he asked as he approached her.  
  
"I had (excuse here)" Max smiled.  
  
"Oh. That makes sense. Now Bip! Bip! Bip! What the firetruck is wrong with you people?!" he whined.  
  
"Firetruck?!" Max laughed. 'Why don't you just say 'fuck' you dork?"  
  
"Well, maybe if. well you, you-SHUT UP! I have every right to boss you cretins around!" Normal wailed and stomped back to his desk. "Even if it just makes me feel big," he muttered.  
  
"I'm sure that's just to make up for the size of your-"  
  
"MAX!" Original Cindy called over. Max walked on over to her best friend.  
  
"Hey Boo. What's been goin' down in your crib, yo?"  
  
"Max, stop tryin' to be black cause you ain't." Original Cindy sighed.  
  
"But. I'm cool!" she wailed.  
  
"You's cool enough with all that black leatha and motorcycle. Ya don't need ta' be black too!"  
  
"Well. FINE! Then. 'What is happening in your life my friend'?" Max asked, mockingly.  
  
"Original Cindy's been wonderin' if she can hook up with that transgenic friend of yours," she asked, turning in Alec's direction.  
  
"You're gay!" Max exclaimed.  
  
"I know! But that boy's just so damn pretty! I mean. LOOK at him!"  
  
"NO! You. Are.. GAY!"  
  
"FINE! All Original Cindy gets is a mean ugly ole ex-lova," she sulked and took off.  
  
"I don't get to be black, she doesn't get to be straight," Max muttered under her breath as Alec walked up to her.  
  
"Hey Max," he called out to her as he ran his hand through his light brown, fluffy, beautiful hair. (Horny Dark Angel fans squeal and drool). ANYWAY. "I heard that there's some transgenic roaming around."  
  
"Really? What's it look like?" she asked, suddenly alert.  
  
"Well it's got. an elephant's trunk, a horse's ass, some gills I think." he explained, then suddenly he started to chortle.  
  
"Shut up," Max sighed and smacked him upside the head.  
  
"Aww Max, you're so hot when you smack me like that," Alec sighed.  
  
"I hope you're sarcastic 'cause everyone can't be in love with me," she stated putting her hand on her hip.  
  
Alec paused. "Yeah! Course. course I'm sarcastic! That's me. sarcastic. smart aleck. He he." He then opened up his locker and used eyedroppers so that his blue eyes would shine even brighter. (Horny Dark Angel fans squeal and drool)  
  
Just then, Sketchy walked into Jam Pony. Max and Alec's eyes bugged out when they realized that he was wearing a leather jacket. Angry, the two transgenics marched up to him. Max took the liberty of slamming Sketchy in a conveniently located locker.  
  
"What the hell are you wearing Sketch?" Max questioned.  
  
"A leather jacket. Isn't it cool? A guy on the market-"  
  
"You can't wear that," Alec interjected.  
  
"Well, why not?" asked a confused Sketchy.  
  
"Sketch, you're not a bad-ass. And you'll never be a bad-ass," Max told him gently.  
  
"B-but Logan-"  
  
"I dealt with that. He's not wearin' one anymore," she stated.  
  
"Oh, well. okay," Sketchy agreed and started to shed his jacket.  
  
"That's it," Alec encouraged as he handed it to Max. He then began to turn around back to his locker. Sketchy noticed something.  
  
"Hey Alec, what's with that barcode? You one of those mutant people?" Sketchy asked, curious.  
  
"SHHH!" Max and Alec hissed simultaneously. The two then started off on their run together. A soft wailing in a nearby alleyway soon interrupted them.  
  
"Let's check it out," Max suggested.  
  
"Nah, I think I'll stop by that strip club again," Alec told her.  
  
"Aiight, whatever. I don't really need you anyway," she shrugged as he took off. She then proceeded to follow the voice with her semi-advanced hearing.  
  
"Who's there?" a voice called out, which Max quickly deduced to be Lydecker's.  
  
"It's me. Max."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Try not squinting your eyes," she suggested.  
  
"Oh, I see," Lydecker smiled.  
  
"Where've you been anyway?"  
  
"See Max I."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I lost my groove."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"But now. I got it back. And we can get to business," he explained, shaking his hips and snapping his fingers.  
  
"O-kay. Are you drunk?"  
  
"NO SOLDIER!" he shouted, making Max jump back a few feet. Then his face softened. "Ya' know you look like my wife?"  
  
Max shot him her 'whatever' look and started to leave the alleyway.  
  
"WAIT!" he pleaded, grabbing her jacket. "Max. You gotta make them take me back. Make me a regular."  
  
Max sighed. "I can't. They got White now."  
  
Lydecker shrugged. "So kill him."  
  
"Can't anymore. Turns out he's special or something."  
  
He started to sniffle. Then a few tears fell from his eyes. Within seconds Lydecker was wailing. Max began to pity him and began fishing for a tissue. As she searched, her beeper suddenly went off.  
  
"I gotta blaze," she told Lydecker.  
  
"Shame that didn't develop into a catch phrase," he commented.  
  
"Yeah. It's so damn cute."  
  
1 Back at Logan's Apartment  
  
Asha was trying desperately to be sexy for Logan. She pouted. Her tiny, tight top wasn't doing the trick. and she had just bleached her hair again this morning! What was wrong with him? Could he not see out of those ugly, outdated glasses?  
  
She turned to Logan, who was at his computer yet again. He had been on it all day. Hmmm, he sure had a lot of computers. Enough to broadcast all over Seattle. Come to think of it, his eyes resembled that of Eyes Only. He also had his voice. his daring spirit. maybe Logan was. Suddenly, Logan swiveled back in his chair, 'accidentally' knocking Asha into one of his bookcases.  
  
Asha rubbed her head a second. What was she thinking? Oh well. Maybe it wasn't important. She walked up to Logan. "So S1W is now united to stop those transgenic people," she told him.  
  
"What?" Logan was suddenly interested. "Why?"  
  
"No. we're not. The truth is. there is no S1W. I just used them to be cool. Sorry," she frowned.  
  
Logan was giving her a confused look when Max strolled in. "Hey guys," she smiled.  
  
"I'll see you later Logan," Asha said.  
  
"Why?" Logan asked her.  
  
"Cause. cause. I'm supposed to be sweet, goddamnit!" she whined and stomped off.  
  
Max stared back at her for a second, wondering if she was any kind of obstacle to her relationship with Logan. Then she shrugged as walked over to him in a sexy way. "So why'd you page me?"  
  
"I found out some info on Sandeman. Thought you might want to see it," he told her.  
  
"Man, Logan. You find EVERYTHING! Can you tell me the meaning of life?" she asked.  
  
"Sure, gimmie a minute," Logan smirked. With a few clicks of his mouse, Logan had discovered the meaning of life and told Max. Max was amused. It wasn't what she expected it would be. DUM DUM DUM! Anyway.  
  
"So back to Sandeman," Max coaxed.  
  
"So he's, like, your Father, right?" Logan asked.  
  
"I think so."  
  
"What about your mother?"  
  
"She's some mysterious nutcase, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah. I oughta track her down."  
  
"No need."  
  
"Why? Did you find her?"  
  
"Naaah. She's not relevant to the storyline right now. Like my seizures, remember?"  
  
"Whatever happened to them?"  
  
"Ehh, they're not important so I flushed that turkey substance thingie down the toilet."  
  
"Oh." They stood in an awkward pause, and then Logan cleared his throat. "So turns out Sandeman is really-"  
  
"Hold on," Max interrupted. She left the room for a moment and came back with a pair of scissors. She then proceeded to walk up to Logan and trim his sideburns (no hands of course). "Sorry. Those were annoying me."  
  
Logan touched the sides of his face self-consciously and frowned. "Oh yeah?" he said, and marched out of the room himself. He came back with a curling iron.  
  
"Logan. what're you doing with that?"  
  
"Damnit, Max! What's with the straight, long hair?"  
  
Max pouted. "I-it's the fashion."  
  
"Since when do you care?"  
  
"Logan, I have to be cool!" she exclaimed, exasperated.  
  
"You're already cool!" Logan explained as he approached her with the iron.  
  
"Well you can't stop me! You gotta touch me if you want to curl my hair and I can kill you! Ha!" she taunted. Her face scrunched up as Logan's face drooped. "What is it?" she asked, concerned.  
  
"It's just. this virus." Logan started.  
  
"Oh yeah. that sucks," Max agreed.  
  
The two then began to cry. and cry. and cry.  
  
2 Three Hours Later.  
  
Max wiped her eyes. "Wait a minute Logan. We hardly touched a year ago, remember? And. we were fine."  
  
"Oh yeah. So. as I was saying about Sandeman-"  
  
Suddenly the phone rang. Logan groaned and picked up. "Hello? Alec. Uh-huh. Okay. I'll tell her." He then turned to Max. "Hey Max. Turns out there's another weird transgenic thingamabob hanging around."  
  
"Shit," Max muttered. "Oh no! I said a censored word!"  
  
Logan gasped. "You better go Max! Hurry!"  
  
She ran out the door. Logan looked around. Then he propped his feet on his desk, lay back in his chair, and took a nap.  
  
3 On a scary-looking street.  
  
Max approached Alec on her bike. Alec wondered if he should get a motorcycle. I mean. transgenics. barcodes. leather jackets. motorcycles. it all made sense. His thoughts were soon interrupted by Max's voice.  
  
"Hey Alec. what's this transgenic like? Is he. or she. dangerous?"  
  
"I don't know. I just heard that some transgenic was 'monkeying' around if you get my drift."  
  
"Alec, that was so bad."  
  
He winced. "Yeah I know."  
  
Max bit her lip anxiously. "Maybe Joshua knows something about him," she suggested. "I mean they did all live down in that basement."  
  
"That's not just some excuse to get him into this story, is it?" Alec accused.  
  
"No! Shut up!" Max muttered quickly. "Now hop on the bike pretty boy!"  
  
"I am pretty," Alec agreed as he pulled out his floss to pick his perfect white teeth. He struggled with the floss as Max drove over the speed limit to Joshua's house.  
  
4 At Joshua's house.  
  
Max and Alec approached Joshua who was painted on a canvas and making low growling noise.  
  
"Hey Big Fella! How are you doing?" Max greeted her friend.  
  
"JOSHUA CANNOT FIND HIS VISION! NOOO!" he yelled and began to break his canvas.  
  
Max was appalled. "Stop it Joshua! You're not being cute anymore!"  
  
Joshua abruptly stopped and smiled at Max. "What up Little Fella?"  
  
"We need your help, you big lug," Alec announced.  
  
"Alec's pet names for Joshua pretty wack," Joshua mumbled.  
  
"What?" Alec asked.  
  
"How can Joshua help?" Joshua asked, pleasantly.  
  
"There's some transgenic going around the city, thought maybe you knew something about it," Max asked.  
  
"Yeah. Some kind of monkey boy's going around," Alec added.  
  
Joshua shuddered. "Monkey boy. not very nice. Tried to bite Joshua. Throw feces at him."  
  
"Who's him?" Alec asked, confused.  
  
"He means himself," Max explained.  
  
"Why does everyone talk in third person? I mean, is it so hard? Me. I."  
  
"I talk in first person!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, you're so special," he muttered.  
  
"I AM! Remember?" Max insisted.  
  
"Oh. Yeah. Well, let's go home," Alec said as he began to leave.  
  
"What? What about the transgenic?!" Max asked, shocked.  
  
"You heard Dog Boy here. He's mean," he commented.  
  
"Monkey Boy pretty wack," Joshua agreed.  
  
"You, stop using my slang. It makes me cool," Max ordered Joshua. "And you, help me rescue the transgenic. Cause it's the right thing to do. And I'm good now," she told Alec.  
  
"Okay, okay," Alec said, throwing up his hands. "Don't 'freak out' on me."  
  
Max gave him a puzzled look.  
  
"I took common verbal usage for-"  
  
She interrupted him. "OK, I remember now. Let's bounce."  
  
"Blaze," Joshua corrected her.  
  
"Whatever," she commented.  
  
Wherever White is. (Does it REALLY matter?)  
  
Following Joshua's advice Max and Alec crept into White's (enter warehouse/factory/office whatever) and cased the place. Using their enhanced eyesight, the pair soon spotted the monkey man. He was sitting forlornly in a large cage in the far corner of the room, which was haphazardly hidden by a large cloth. In their hurry to save the creature, Max and Alec failed to notice a well-placed camera recording their every move.  
  
Agent White and his men soon spied the two through their surveillance monitor. Although he knew too well who the perpetrator probably was, White asked his men to zoom in on them. And, of course, they obeyed.  
  
"Who are these people?" he asked, annoyed  
  
"452 and 494," his lackey-person told him.  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Stop squinting, sir."  
  
"Oh yeah. That's them. Those transgenic scum."  
  
Alec and Max hurried along to reach the transgenic. They performed their incredible flips and jumps, and eventually managed to free the creature/transgenic/mutant.  
  
"I'm going to kill all of you people!" White screamed, disgusted as his men chased after Max and Alec.  
  
"Man, this guy's annoying," Alec groaned.  
  
"Yeah, well, we're stuck with him. Lydecker's. good," Max sighed.  
  
"Well, I'll teach him a lesson," he proclaimed, smugly.  
  
Alec zoomed in front of White. Stunned, White attempted to swing a punch at him, but Alec ducked. Then, before White could react, Alec had grabbed his tie.  
  
"You wouldn't dare," White taunted.  
  
"Oh I would," Alec disagreed. With that he yanked off White's tie.  
  
"MY NEW TIE!" he screamed. Alec then proceeded to jump up onto the highest rafters. There, he knotted the tie onto one of the rafters in the building. White stared up at his tie, longingly. Then he turned to his men.  
  
"MEN! YOU WILL RETRIEVE MY TIE AT ONCE!" he ordered.  
  
"What about the transgenic?" White's main lackey asked.  
  
"Oh yeah. Kill him," he commanded, straightening his suit. With that, White's men shot the monkey creature dead. They then went onto help Agent White retrieve his beloved tie.  
  
Max hovered over the poor creature with sympathy. "That sucks. Poor guy didn't have a chance," she sighed and walked over to Alec. "Guess we've got no choice but to just go home."  
  
"Another one bites the dust," Alec shrugged.  
  
"Was that by the old band Queen or is it by that pre-Pulse group R.E.M.?" Max asked.  
  
"We don't sleep Max."  
  
"Oh yeah! I keep forgetting," she commented. She then jumped onto her conveniently placed motorcycle and began to rev up the engine.  
  
"Max," Alec called.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're so cool."  
  
"I know," she smirked and rode off into the night. Finally, someone understood.  
  
4.1 THE END  
  
5 


End file.
